Emotions Flowing Like Ink

Life is a maze, one with a time limit. Everything you want to do, It all has an expiry. The merry is just delusional. The journey as quest as the purpose. Here we grasp the value of someone, How luminous when found, Yet so delirious when not. Hollows me out this feeling, Not knowing what the answer could be. Maybe that’s the complication of the maze, Or as I had feared, Love is a riddle, Too intricate to bear through agony. Perhaps for her, it’s not me, The jigsaw so elaborate that giving up seems easier, ‘cause everything that already materialized, Was is it a lapse? Please say yes to this at least. I need an escape from this, Am I worthy only of this cold ignorance? Or is another fantasy in store for me? So on my death bed, Will you be here or there?

There comes a time of isolation, When that is the only lead to satisfaction. The peace addictive, Yet the silence sometimes painful. An endeavor for contemplation seems inevitable, You look for a savior, Maybe in a friend, Or happiness in an object, Nothing really captivates you. A doubt starts to build, Languidly strangles you, Chokes you. Having a foot in each boat, Never reaching a destination however close. You reach out for guidance, Distraction from the self- distrust. And this is how you apprehend life. The proof lies in interpreting the lives around you, Those lives engraved in the pages, The paperbacks that calm your anxiety. It is that which contributes to contentment, The books, the experiences, Living many lives within one.

It’s never going to be over, You aren’t my past. No matter the fights, The never-ending arguments. For how much ever we messed up, There was always a solution. You will always remain a part of me. Although, the enormous dislike, The present me is made up of our past. Maybe it wasn’t as simple, The chaos too much to handle. Still used to be heavenly back then, Perhaps the rebound is bound. But the learnings of heaven, Will help me pass the trials of hell. The rupture was probably needed, But you live within me till eternity, Not for the sake that love may arise again, For the new character that you inspired. This will remain hidden, So these feelings may never cause a flame again.

For all I know this too is a part of my dream, a dream called the IDEAL LIFE. Throughout the day I see innumerable successful and content people. I wonder whether there is something that I should be looking forward to in my journey towards satisfaction. Asking myself the same question every day, “What am I passionate about?” Over the many years of my existence, experience told me, for most inhabitants of Earth passion is of utmost importance and the will to go through with achieving what you desire is what being focused is. Now, I ask a very simple question. What if my passion lies not in my heart and mind but my eyes for a different, unusual object? I may not be passionate about machines as an engineer is, or in the history of unbelievable sculptures like a historian or an artist. I say I am passionate about more than one thing, I want to learn something new every day because I have a will to pursue everything possible in one lifetime. No one knows when you may die, so why not...

Humming to endless songs at 3am,  Trying to make meaning out of nothing,  That's who I am,  Just too involved in thinking.  Can't sleep 'cause the thoughts are so engrossing,  It varies every minute,  From about a person to maybe assembly drawing,  Ciphering every detail unusually minute.  And this ain't just tonight,  The peace, the silence is addictive,  Rewind into past choices,  Contemplate over my prospective.  The night just goes by,  Although I planned to sleep,  Always asking why?  How do I not weep from fatigue?  Is it as I thrive to improve or,  Is it a disorder?  Do these sleepless nights have an explanation,  As I enjoy the silence and flow of thoughts,  Does this have more significance than I realize,  Or am I just insomniac.

Remember that time when..........  20 years from now this is how every conversation is going to begin and the circle of those friends reunited will be teary eyed as it progresses. Nostalgia will be imminent and inevitable. It will bring back floods of memories, good or bad, but more importantly those were the choices that changed your life step by step.  Some crazy ideas and pranks, some joyful moments and appreciation, all these will only yearn you to relive those beautiful days over and over again. Be it school, college or societies you made memories everywhere.  The teacher and professors whom you condemned for less marks are the people you'd always want to go and thank them for the support.  All the mischief during class hours and vying away your time after, never worrying just living in the moment. That person 20 years ago is the one you envy now.  The crushes- big highlight, with all the pairing and teasing while you go around embarrassed. Sometimes its ...

The busy schedule of life with exams hovering on our heads and the pressure to create a better future is overwhelming. The craving to get into our hostel beds, for a restful night is probably the most satisfying act at the end of a day. Among all this the phone call from mom makes the day complete. The first time living away from home is tough and thinking you'll not be able to celebrate Diwali with your family. Doesn't that bother you? Being sad 'cause the next day you have an exam, so you let go of all the fun. Although hearing the sound of bursting crackers at night does not make it easier to study. Ah, well the exam is written and the hard work pays off, but do you know what actually makes me smile? It is the package that just got delivered for me. Not just sweets, but the love, care and saudade from my family. That's what's phenomenal. I realize their selfless attempts to make me feel like I'm home, showering me with their blessings, saying we'll b...